I feel that everything just keeps changing

I moved home a week ago, (home meaning Indiana) and I honestly couldn't be happier. I have my family back and the only thing I'm missing right now is a job and a place to call my own. I have to pretty much restart completely and it's stressful but I think I'm up for the challenge.. I told myself that if I don't have a job in a week that something's wrong but if we're thinking about this logically a week is a really short time to get a job and an apartment.. But on the other hand I've been out of work for going on three weeks and I'm running low on funds and I'm beginning to freak out a bit.. I've never been out of work for so long I'm starting to get restless..
Today is one of those days that you just sit and listen to the rain and watch sappy movies but today I'm taking today by the balls and applying for Medicaid, WIC, Government Aid, I'm also looking for low income housing and a Job.. I believe I'll be in the library for a little bit but I want to get this stuff done so I can start my own life here already..
Baby is doing great and I'm actually starting to show a bit.. But being that I've always been so tiny its really not that surprising that I'm starting to show, It's not a big bump but it's a little something something and it's kind of cute.. Next week would have been baby's third check-up but I don't think that it's going to happen this week.. I hope that everything is okay in there.. I'm sure it is, baby and I have been eating so well here and there's just so much love that people have for baby already it's honestly just amazing.. Aunt Emmy was so excited to see me and hear about baby and I'm so glad to have her back in my life..


well, back to getting back on my feet!




With Wishful Thinking and a Growing Baby Bump

More changes

I know that it's been a while since I've blogged. A lot has changed in my life. Recently I found out I am pregnant and I am currently 12 weeks pregnant and entering my second trimester of my pregnancy. My life was turned upsidown when I found out I was pregnant. The past few weeks has been a roller coaster ride but I wouldn't have had it any other way (other than the baby daddy drama). I've been searching for a new job, new apartment, new roommate, I'm trying to get into school for a career in fashion merchising and now things for a baby. I'm freaked out I'm a momma but honestly I'm happy. It's weird to know that I have a baby inside of me at the young age of 19 but this baby happened for a reason (other than me being a horney teenager).

I already have a game plan for us; mommy is going to school and when baby is around one maybe two and depending on how school is going and how money is coming in, baby and I are moving to New York. I can get a good job at a magazine and just give baby the life I've always wanted. 

Everything revolves around this little fruit inside my tummy and I'm learning to be less selfiesh and it's refreshing. 

With so much love. 

Realization

Waiting two weeks; being verbally abused pretty much everyday. Overly caring about someone who really couldn't care about theirselves well being, today is the day I cut it off. Last night at work, I had a friend of mine come in telling me that whatever I have going on to break it off because they are bad news. And I realized. They really are. I've had my depression go into a low just from them and my self worth has went into an all time low. We all have demons. But why take your said demons out on the person you supposedly care about? Realizing that you're better than the abuse and neglect and the future infidelity may make you upset and lonely right now but in the long run. In the long run I feel I will be the happiest.

With hope and balls. 

Lust

I just can't seem to win at anything. 

I can't ever stay happy. I can't seem to find out what's going on with me. Is it me? Or is it him?

Extremes

It's crazy when someone can make you go from one extreme to the next.
You can go from utter happiness to complete sadness.
Maybe there's a lot of things I need to fix, no, I know that I have to fix a lot of things in my life to make myself and others happy. I'm always so busy and focused on making others happy when I get to my low point it's the lowest of the low.
Sunlight, I've heard can actually help with feelings of sadness.
It's been raining and gross the past few days and it's honestly getting to me in the worst of ways.
I'm pushing away people I don't want to push away and it sucks.


Happiness where are you?

Insomnia At Her Finest

I have yet to be asleep and it is 7:15 in the morning. 

Listening to this big berrly man snore up a storm makes me laugh. 

If sounds so painful. 

I wish I knew what was going on in my mind to prevent me from sleeping even a wink..

What am I stressing? 

Is he sleeping next to me?

I'm sure that's what it is. 

I've grown far too attached to this wonderfully helpless man way too quickly. 

Insomia and I have always been rivals but I'm not sure why she's back..

Sunshine and Smiles

The past few days have been filled with nothing but laughter and happiness. Staying at the beach is an amazing thing and it really does change the way you think.. The sunshine has decided to return to us and my mood and overall everything has just changed into something better. With all of the crappy weather we've been having here in the sunshine state has made even the best of us just not feeling it. I'm so happy with the sunshine. Living here in Florida was one of the best decisions I've made. I do miss my Hoosiers a hole hell of alot but honestly I wouldnt want to be anywhere else. Today I hit the beach to catch some rays.  I Love 904.