Monday, September 28, 2015

The feelings abundant

Sitting here at lunch at work I'm trying my hardest to keep a positive vibe and it's getting harder and harder as the days and the minutes go by.. The night it all happened keeps replaying in my mind and I can't seem to make it stop.. Its me either blog and get out my feelings or break down at work and no one has time for a emotional break down at work.
I'm trying to focus on the positive things in my life like Scarlet growing and my two amazing jobs. There is only really so much a woman can take without breaking..
My body is sore. My mind is exhausted and emotions are drained.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Chilly, Dewy mornings

They have always been a sign that Fall is in the air.
Waking up, sipping my coffee and looking out into the chilly morning air, hearing the gallop of the horses in the neighbor's yard, you can't help but just feel happy about the changing of the season. Yes, almost everyone I know who lives here in Northern Indiana bitches, moans and complains when it starts to get cold, but moving from home and living in Florida for a few years honestly has made me realize how thankful I am for the season change. Florida is such a monotonous state, it's either too hot, or raining.. Don't get me wrong being able to be in a bikini almost year round was amazing! But me, personally? I love the snow. It brings out a happiness that starts form my belly and just kind of takes over..
I remember my first snow last year; It was November and I was at my boyfriend at the time's house. I just sat at the window and watched it all fall ever so eloquently.. I was pregnant at the time but it was so magical to just see how gracefully it just fluttered and gently coated the ground. Oye! I can't wait for the chillier weather and the snow!
Scarlet will be walking by the time the snow falls and I'm so excited to be able to take her outside and play in the snow with her! I still can't wrap my head around how she'll be 9 months next Friday.. Where in the hell did the time go? Being that wonderful little girl's mommy has to be my favorite job. I kind of feel like my mom in that aspect; I love being a mom, and if I do say so myself, I'm getting pretty good at it! I'm honestly looking forward for another one in the future.
*side note* I can hear Scarlet snoring downstairs and I'm upstairs in the kitchen...........
I'm going to try and get some studying in before my baby girl wakes up; I'm trying my hardest to get this Insurance License, it's defiantly not easy.

'on my grind'

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Amongst the Rubble

there's always a flower,
there always is a sunshine,
there always is a light at the end of a tunnel,
and there always is a positive side to everything,

The past month has been kind of a weird, kind of a rough month. I am now working TWO very well paying jobs and taking care of my Scarlet. I'm working as an Assistant at an insurance company by day and by night *and weekends* I'm a Hooter's Girl. It's weird how I get fired from one job that doesn't pay well and treats their employees poorly, to two amazing opportunities. I'll be making enough money to have a house for Scarlet and I here in the VERY soon future. The simple fact that I'm even able to afford our own place is so exciting and just inciting to be as successful as possible.. Yes, I will inevitably miss something with Scarlet's development but being that she's crawling and starting to pull herself up on stuff; the next thing is walking but she's just now starting to 'truck' while crawling so we've got a little bit.
Scarlet is almost 9 months old I really can't believe she graced my life almost 9 months ago.. It feels like just yesterday she was born. She's such a wonderful blessing. She makes me feel like I have the whole world sitting on my lap *where she is currently*. She is the reason behind everything I do. She got to see her daddy in Chicago when he graduated Navy boot camp and we Skype as often as possible. I know he misses her.. I can see it in his face when we Skype and SnapChat. I really am grateful he's her dad. He's a wonderful young man.
In the regards of relationships; Joseph and I, as of right this second are "on a break" - his choice, not mine. And I'm not quite sure what a weeks worth of 'thinking' can do if your mind is already made up but for him; I'm willing to wait. We're talking tonight as adults and we'll see if I'll be giving his key back or really whats going on.. I hope he's not going anywhere but I can at least say proudly I didn't do a single thing wrong in the relationship except allow my heart to feel things I've never allowed it to feel. I let my walls crumble and my heart to fly.. So that's that.

Amongst the rubble of my confusing and chaotic life I do still have a smile on my face and hope in my heart. I learned where you should replace "I don't have time" with "It's not a priority" it brings everything into view. You should try it.. It makes a difference.

With a wall of a thousand hopes;